Sunday, January 29, 2006

Red. 8. Smile.

This is my 3rd time rewritting this entry. Argh. Can't seem to be satisfied with what I've typed. So many things on my mind and heart which I wished to write them in words. As I read my past entries, I could not believe that those were actually typed by me! Sigh.

Okie. My title. Those are words which can relate to the Chinese festive season. Old people don't like you to wear black or dark colours. 8 is the lucky number. But for this year, 9 may also be special because it sounds like dog in dialect! This year's zodiac is DOG! Woof woof.

8th Uncle and Auntie came over this evening. My cousin and I were chatting about our past and how time flies! His sister was married and now having a child! Hee. Sigh. When will it be my turn? Hee. Yup! I can't wait for that day to come!

2nd Uncle came this afternoon for lunch but he left earlier so that he could catch a movie. He seems to have aged quiet a lot! Hee.

Tml is going to be another busy day. God bless my love ones and me!

Chinese New Year ~

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Qian nian wan yu..

Lots of things in my heart but I can't "pen" them down. I am just glad that things are finally settled and over with. Sometimes, I wonder, is it the works of the Devil?

Am I too expressive? Am I that hyprocrite? I ponder. I began to doubt myself. Cos people said I was. I felt hurt but who knows that? Well, now everyone does cos I'm writing it here. Ha. What an irony.

Communication is so so so so important in our lives! Unnecessarily misunderstandings arised just because we didn't talk things out! Sigh.

Peace. Love. I do love you people. Please do not doubt it. If you are reading this entry, I would like to take this opportunity to apologise. For whatever wrongs that you all think I have done, I sincerely apologised for that! Please accept my apologies and let's try to build up our friendship? I am tired and I think we all are too. Cheers to our new start!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Disappointments.

There are many disappointments in our lives.

I've disappointed many other people too! Especially those ppl whom I love dearly. To my parents, my hubby, my bestest buddies and pals, Just want to apologies if I've disappointed u all in any ways!

Love you ppl!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Insecurity.

That was what I felt. In every relationship I have with people. Especially when it comes to friendship.

Dearie assured me that maybe I was over sensitive and thinking too much. I would just say I am jealous. Ha. Grow up Jasmine! You are going to be 21 soon?!!! Let go.

Sigh. Can't help but to feel that way again. Haa.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Happy 21st Birthday Jenny!

heyo buddy.. my bestest buddy.. hee.. you were da one who saw me grow from a teen to an adult! Was there with me when I had my first bf.. haa.. every first you can think of gal.. You never fail to be there for me when I needed you the most! Haa.. You saw me through my breakups, my downs..

Thank you gal! Love ya so much! Now, it's time for someone to take care of you. I feel comforted and happy to know that you've such a loving guy!

You've blossomed to become such a babe gal.. Jia you in your work.. N hopefully we'll be able to be your bridesmaids soon.. hee..

Monday, January 23, 2006

Bestest Buddys' 21st Birthdays!

7 Jan 2006 - Pei Ying officially become 21 years old!!!

hee.. It was filled with fun and laughter. Melody brought her baby boy to da party too! The ex-bbss-ians gathered to catch up with one another! hee.. Bought Ying a $300 voucher from Ms Sixties! Haa.. Hope she can find da pair of jeans that she like! Hee.. Food was simply delicious and there was my favourite dessert, honey dew sago. Hee.. Played a bit of mahjong till now my hands also quite itchy! hee..

21 Jan 2006 - 3 days earlier to become 21 years old for Jenny!!!

couldn't help much with her birthday party as in the afternoon I've got to there for the DI qualifying. Wen, Ying, Carinne and da rest of BBSS-ians were there to help out. Also, Bryan and her gu chi were there to help her out too.. hee.. so I guess I'm kind of extra there! haa.. Lots of ppl.. mostly her relatives. Jen's poly friends, colleagues, sec sch friends were also invited! hee.. Food was yummy yummy! Da cake looks cute and girly and pretty.. haa. :) Had a fun time catching up with one another 2! hee..

Hee.. Attended 2 parties this month so far. hee. Are there more to come!?

Friday, January 20, 2006

Reflection.

I've been an Earthling for about 20 years. During the train journey back home, I began to think about my life. I began to ponder. Have I live a life worth looking back?

My childhood years, I remembered was fun filled! Especially those times that I always get to stay at home with my mommy and my brother. So many fond memories. I was still a timid and shy girl who will hide behind my parents whenever there were strangers. Only had a true friend then who was my brother. Haa. The one I've spent my life with for 19 years.

During primary school, I studied hard but didn't put in my best effort. I didn't care how heavy I weigh and all I did was to eat and eat. Not till I was being put in the TAF program but that never deterred me either. I was careless, always forgetting to being my things and also never check through my work. I was given an opportunity to have some leadership roles. I was a prefect but an ordinary one. I was a party planner, a class representative and also a class monitor. I didn't excel for my PSLE but I did manage to get into express stream. I was very fortunate to have parents who will send and fetch me to and from school and not having to take public transportation.

Secondary school life has been the most memorable chapter of my life. First time being in a girls class does added some spice to my dull teenage years. We had lots of fun during the first 2 years. Joined Girls' Brigade and that changes my life totally. I had expereinced stuff which I had never before and also learnt a lot of things which had mould me who I am today! My mentors, Lydia Tan, Chiew Pei San, Goh Xiao Ling, Yieh Yoke Hiong, Pastor Daniel, Deacon Johnathon, Terence and Huiyi, these are the people whom I wish to express my gratitude. I had also learnt a lot from my cell group members, ROWLIES. Not forgetting my times in Church of Singapore (Bt Timah). I had known a lot about God through the church.

Attended Jurong Junior College for further studies. I regretted not putting in my best effort during the 2 years but nevertheless I had gained a lot during those times too. Simply love my classmates. I could say that 02S4 should be the most united class comparing to the first 3 classess with the same subject combination. We shared many joys throughout the years. And I grew to become more mature and know that looks is important in this society. Began to watch what I eat and the way I dress. Moving on, I became and officer and served in 19th Company. The first batch of girls whom we had recruited should have graduated from Unity Secondary. I sincerely wish them all the best. And as I look back, I do regret leaving the company and not growing with the girls. I do hope they have learnt something good during my time with them. Do miss them especially when I get to see them once in a while.

I began my university life but I wasted my time away during the first year. I played a fool and know nothing else but to enjoy myself. This is one thing that I most regret in my life. I gave up serving in companies and chose to be in the Drill Committee. Even with the minimum involvement, I didn't put in my best in serving God in this area. The most, MOST regretting thing in my life.

I looked at people with opinions of them already in my mind. I did not do things with my bestest abilities and effort. I did not faithfully serve God and spend time communicating from Him. I did not treat my loved ones with lots of love, care and concern. I am a empty vessel who has not been filled for almost 20 years of my life!

There are many regrets but I can't always looked back and do nothing to my future and my present.

A brand new me, I hope. Give me some time, I am determined.

I am very blessed to have my family. My husband-to-be. My bestest buddies and pals. My friends. To be loved by all of you is truly a blessing for me!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wee Hours.

Haa. Time to "wee wee" or commonly known as "shhh shhh" Haa.

Was talking on the phone with dearie just now and felt extremely sleepy. Must be da work that I've done this morning and also the discomfort that I was having with my tummy!

Without dar dar with me by my side feels weird and terrible. Just as like what Bester has described! TERRIBLE!

Missing him is one thing but not able to be there to care for him makes me feel even worse! Especially when he kept telling me that he felt lonely.. Dar, just want tell you that I am sorry that I didn't make much effort to keep myself awake to be there with you. Apologise for that honey.

Without God in my life is TERRIBLE too. With Him to be my guidance, I would become a better person. I pray, Lord that may Your words light up my world with truth and understanding and help me lead a life the way that You want me to. I'll listen to You, God. Amen.

Can't sleep. Sigh.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Happy Chinese New Year!


Heee.. Da vain me!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'll BITE!

Moody... Hot tempered... This is what I am for the past week!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

The sky is crying...

Well, it seems like it! Has been raining non stop (erm..a bit too exaggerating? okie, on and off den..) for the past week! It affects my mood totally! Sigh. Just like me on last Saturday, crying non-stop! Ha. So many things that have been pulling me down. Everything that doesn't seem to be right!

I don't really like rainy days unless I have got abosolutely NOTHING better to do! In that way, I can sleep the whole day without having meals and at the same time shedding some fats! Talking about fats, guess I'm kind of moody nowadays due to how I look like now! FAT! That's the only word that I could desrcibe myself! Definitely it is. My brother always tell me that! Sigh. I got to do something about it! I have! But not at the expense of my meals cos if I don't eat I'll get grumpy! Ha.

a HUNGRY lady is a ANGRY woman! Beware!

Sigh. 21st Birthday isn't that exciting afterall! Haa. Do not what I should do or how I should carry it out! Dad has given me the approval that I can hold a party at our house! Sigh. How? What to do? Nevertheless, I shall come up with my birthday wish list so that you people can get ready alright? Ha. (Hee, haven't even thought of what to buy for Jen!)

1) Double Detox which cost $168 now!
2) Trimslim which cost $88
3) Slimming packagae

4) Makeover voucher
5) Manicure or pedicure voucher
6) Bag
7) Jacket (Those very in thing now!)
8) IKEA voucher
9) Paint! Yes.. haa.. So that I can repaint my room! (Colours: Rich Plum, French Blue, Rasberry) 10) Nissan March! Haa. I'm dreaming!
11) Shopping Vouchers
12) A new study table! Must be wooden wooden kind!
13) A new bed. Those double decker kind? Erm, below can put table!? Haa. Frame and mattress included!

Errr... that's all I can think of right now! Haa. Those in red are the things which I really want! And those in blue are things which I really really really really want! Haa. If you are buying me any of the above please do tell me so that I won't see double or triple when I receive my presents! Haa.

Tomato soup taste horrible! Yucks.

Monday, January 09, 2006

eeeWwwwWww..

Sprite tastes awful without being served chilled! Well, guess most carbonated drinks need to be put in da fridge for hours before gulped by us human beings.

Bloated. That is how I felt. Sigh. Ate a lot. Can't help it! I'm under a lot of stress.

I broke down on Saturday. So much so that I kept crying the whole day. I couldn't help it! Bester went through a tough time.

Sigh.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Just reached home. Finished my POA test with the help of the notes and my friends. I felt so scared and lonely. What if I don't pass my examinations again? How much money and time will be wasted? Tried doing my assignment yesterday. I did not even know what the question was asking! How am I going to be prepared for my final exams? My examinations fee: $2772!

I don't work. I don't have an income. Yet I have to spend so much on everything! Presents. Food. I shan't watch any movies. I shan't go out. I am using my parents' money and not mine!

I don't get to use the car often and even if I do I am being nagged at it. But why not the others ?Not fair!

I have to face another silent situation. It really makes my face go red!

Studies. No life!

I cried but who knows? Nobody! I am crying!

Torn between so many things. What should I do?

Friday, January 06, 2006

So many things..

Argh. So many things on hand now. Didn't do my marketing assignment well which I've planned to hand it in next Friday. Got a POA test tomorrow which I've not studied for. Also, the POA assignment is due tomorrow. Guess I have not learnt a good lesson of pushing everything till the last minute! Sigh. Life!?

Of course, I am not deterred by all these things yet! Got to find more time to pray and to lose the fats on me! Most importantly is the praying part. Haven't been communicating with God for quite some time! Miss His words! Sigh.

Got to sacrifice some of my personal time with Bester and my family for this half of the year. So many events and birthday parties! Haa. There are 2 parties already for this month alone! Haa. (Wen, doesn't it sound kind of familiar to ya?) Haa. Next month would be mine and Min. There's also Valentine's Day and after which is Bester's Birthday.

Got to spend quite a bit again! No wonder the small amount of money that my parents gave me has been decreasing significantly over the months! Sigh. Haven't saved up yet! And I got to pay a hefty sum of $2572 for my examinations. Lucky me that my parents are supporting me through my university years. Imagine that I have to study and work at the same time!? That is really no life!

Another thing that I'll be praying for is that I can have a better relationship with... Well, shan't reveal any names yet. I really hope that we can make peace and everything can be going smoothly for everyone of us!

HOW SHOULD I HOLD MY 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY? Sigh!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

First Week of 2006

Is it the getting used to the busy-ness that's making me feel so tired and sleepy and..sigh.

No luck with my New Year Resolutions yet. There must be a problem somewhere.

Talking abt problem, my com is kind of getting cranky! Sigh.

Miss Bester!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Sigh.

It's just da starting of the year and I already felt so stressed up with stuff! Can't help but to feel that way. There are just too many things happening! 21st Birthdays.. School and exams.. Relationships with ppl.. My projects on hand.. Sigh.

Well, not a bad start afterall. At least I wouldn't feel that I would like to slack and rest a bit more! Sigh.

Both daddy and mommy aren't home. Miss them lots! I've just reached home. Lucky was wagging her tail when I entered the house! haa. Guess she does miss me lots too huh? Brother is in school having his test! Wish him all da best then. Haa. 4 minutes to noon! Time passes really fast nowadays. Dun u ppl agree with me?

Sigh!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Uh hum... Updated 2006 resolutions!

Attended church yesterday. Priest said that by just merely stating what I wish to achieve is a wish and not a resolution! So here I am here, to input some details so that I really do it, and be able to achieve them by end of year 2006.

1) Spending time with my parents and my brother on Tues afternoons, Wed nights, Thursday afternoons, Whole of Friday and Saturday afternoons.. (Do hope that they are at home!)

2) Going to study on Monday and Tuesday mornings, Wednesday evenings, Thursday afternoons, Friday afternoons and evenings and Satuday evenings. (Will work out the schedule by end of this week. Got to clear my assignments and tests first!)

3) Economics - 60, POA - 65, Marketing - 70, Sociology - 50, HRM - 65, PBF - 70. (Oh man! I'm setting high standards for myself! Gotta push myself really hard! Jia you!)

4) Going to finish up my plans for Officers' DI and BODC/BOTC by end of this week! (Everything to be done properly!)

5) Able to build up better relationships with Bester's family members.

6) Spending quality time with Bester, attending and being sensitive to his needs and feelings!

7) To pray every morning for 20 mins and write in my journal!

8) To be able to jog 2 times a week and each time 20 minutes with 10 minutes or so of "Power Rider"

9) Spending at least 1 day each week catching up with my friends. Would ring them or message them whenever possible!

Thought of making it to 10 New Year resolutions! Haa.. but really can't think what's for the last one! So here are 9 good resolutions that I want to achieve by end of this year 2006!

Happy New Year everyone!!