It has been raining...

Correction. It's pouring! The rain is super duper big!! Today is my mom's birthday!!! Happy Birthday mommy.. hee.. following that will be Dad's bday!! hee.. =)

Saw a green flowery tube dress. Maybe wearing that for BBSS dinner! hee.. =)

Counting down: 12 days!!!

12 more days before the start of my first paper. Feeling extremely nervous right now. For those who have been keeping my in prayers, thank you so much!

aiai: Will keep you in prayers too! Noe you're having your exams right now.

So blessed with many good friends and a husband-to-be. =) Hee..

Intensive.

Intensive revision. Intensive depth of knowledge. Intensive memorising. Intensive stress I am facing. Intensive lousy mood. "Intensively" nervous.

Examinations coming in 14 days time and I have got the "time" to face the computer screen. Addicted to the internet. An addiction that I can't get rid off. Ha.

Am having PMS for the past few days. Am having MS for this whole week. Will be having PMS for the following days.

Bad temper. Aware but cannot control. People around me are suffering more than me. I apologise for that!!

I hope and pray this will end soon enough before I am "drowned" in the notes.

Anger. Sleepy. Upset.

Not enough sleep + Slept at 4am + Woken up by a call + Person speaking loudly + PMS
= Irritated + Sleepy + Fuming mad + Upset

A "good" formula to start my day off with a "cheerful smile"!!!

What can I do?

I really hate exams and having a 100% exam based bachelor degree isn't going to help either! I am starting to regret of opting for UOL programme! Sigh. But what to do? I have come so far and the opportunity cost of switching course is really high. Not worthwhile to do so. Should I study part time and start working full time? I am pondering.

Well, sometimes I wonder by just memorising for the sake of the examinations, will we actually remember it for life and apply them during our course of work? I doubt so. Thus, UOL has come up with questions such that it isn't about writting descriptive essays. Rather, we will have to process throught the knowledge and know when and how to apply them in our answers. Sigh.

Sigh. Yeah. I am doing it again. Sigh.

Sigh.

Stressed. Nervous. Depressed.

But neither of these feelings I have has made me to be more disciplined in my daily revision. I will give myself hundreds of reasons why I should procrastinate and study later. What am I doing? Sigh. Even at this point of time, I am telling myself that I have to study but why am I typing in front of the com screen?

One of the things I learnt after watching "Da Chang Jin" is that a person will change unknowingly in the situation he/she is in. I believe so that I have changed a lot from the past few months. I have become less chatty and bubbly in front of some people. These changes may or not be beneficial for myself. The only thing I feel consoled is that I can definitely by myself in front of God. He knows inside out who I am. He knows what is happening to me as it is all pre planned by the Almighty one. I am reaching out for His love and strength that I will be able to pull through during this period.

I think there are few who will read my blog once in a while. But how many come with a good intention of just wanting to know what is going on with my life and whether I'm living well? Sigh. Not all, I guess. That was the dream I had been talking about. I always thought the life would always be smooth sailing and people will behave and respond in a good manner. Am I being a perfectionist in my ideas? Ha. I'm definitely not one when it comes to the real world.

Impact. Sigh.

Tian Hui.

Hmmm.. The skies is grey? Looks more like it's black now! Yeah. Am at home and not stuck in the school library. It is going to rain soon. "Cats and dogs" to be exact. My prediction. That does not mean that I will be "grounded". Will be going out to meet up with Bester to try on Birkenstocks shoes and purchase it online. Hee. =)

Am I able to score at least 2nd Upper grades with the results that I had for my prelim? I am very afriad and nervous now. But being stressed up isn't going to do me any good as it will cause mental block! Shux. What should I do now? I have myself to blame. Sigh. Tired. Stressed. Nervous. What to do?

*Ah choo* Someone thinking of me? I only sneezed 2 times! Ha. Perhaps someone was thinking and scolding me at the same time ya?

Hee.

Da Chang Jin

Finally~! I have managed to borrow Da Chang Jing VCDs from May le! Thank you so much gal! Hee.. Now I don't have to worry that I will miss any more episodes! Gonna watch from the start again! =) Hee.. Hooray!!

Sigh. This entry was continued from where I left. I am stuck in school. Not because there's a heavy downpour. Well, I have got marketing local revision class later on. Got back my Econs, POA, Sociology papers. As expected, I flunk all of them. Am feeling extremely scared as I saw the one of my schoolmates actually passed POA despite not being able to finish the last question. Shux. I better pull up my socks!

I am praying that the Lord will help me during this period and everything will go on smoothly.

*Feburary Baby* 13 Feburary 1985

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Above provide some insights of what kind of person I am. Ha. Bolded are the ones that I think fits me best.

Yawn. I want to go shopping! I am fat! Arghz.

Yawn.

It's 2.30am. I don't feel sleepy at all! Sigh. Well, I am. Just want I want to type this entry in my blog! Hee. =)

My buddies will be going shopping this coming Saturday while I'll be mugging in school. Ha. There are so many things which I want to buy but with a constrained budget, I guess I can't buy anything much! I am looking for a job. I need some form of income. I need $$$ so that I can go shopping, just like any typical gal. Sigh.

I am not rich. And I would want to earn $$$ by my own means. Sigh! Why can't I be like my brother who knows how to invest in activites that will bring him quite a considerable sum of pocket money? Shux!

This is the list of things I want to buy:

1) 4 pairs of Birkenstock sandals. 1 for Bester, 1 for my brother and 2 pairs for myself. :P

2) 3 Polo Tees. Hmmz.. thinking of getting green, white and pink! Yesh. Pink~! My favourite colour~!

3) Gio white basic tee. Hee. Mine is getting old!

4) A new white "leather" bag.

5) New belts. Ha. I'm falling in love with them! Good form of accessories!

6) More beautiful tops.

7) "Hollywood" dieting drink. I want to try out myself whether it works. Is that construct validity? Hehe.

8) New dresses and skirts. Perhaps I will buy a pair of shorts too! =)

Hee. Perhaps I will study a bit tomorrow and as a reward for that, I will go shopping! Sigh. I have wasted 2 days! =(

Singing.

Ha. I'm rotting once again. Not in the mood to do any revision. Sigh. Sometimes, I just can't help but to wonder sometimes I am such a lousy student! Haa.

I love singing. Hee. Tell you all a secret lah. When I was young, my ambition was to become a full time singer! Haa. Never able to make it as you all know I was kicked out during the first round of Superstar audition! Haa. But still I love singing! =) Haven't gone to Kbox for quite some time. Sigh. I miss singing. Hee. And If I've got the cash, I will go learn singing from Lee Wei Song School.

Deadly.

Proverbs 26:20 "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."

A verse that everyone should know and remember. God's words that is so true. Why start a fire and hurt each other eventually when all of us can live harmoniously? Sigh. Gossiping is really something hard to refrain from as we all love to gossip. Ha.

God, will you help me to put that into practice? I do hope that I can be a good daughter of yours!

It isn't that hard to understand the theory of "I" and "me". "I" represents an individual and that reflects your true self and your thoughts like "I hate to study!", "I must give that ***** a tight slap right on her face!", "Please let me die!". Ha. This is "I".

As for "me", the proccessed thoughts will turn out to be something like this, "I have to study because I need the qualification to survive!", "I can't hit that girl as that will land me in the jail!", "I cannnot die because my parents will be devastated!".

Hee. =) Simply the "me" and "I".

Rational.

Looking back at what I told Bester yesterday, I felt guilty. Having the soft side of us is important in our lives as being too rational isn't going to do any good. However, as we were discussing about his life, I failed to comfort and console him. I was aggresive and thinking too much without attending to his feelings. Sorry dar!

Doing some reflections every now and evaluating your ownself is something which I will encourage all of you to do. Sometimes, you may realise that you could have handle certain issues in a better way. And if you have said something that may be hurtful to the person, you would constantly remind yourself not to do it again. Sigh. It's easier to say then to do it!

Life. Is it like a dream? When will it ever end?

Real ME.

Actually according to GH Mead, I should change the "me" in the blog title to "I" which represents "individual". "Me" represents the social self which constantly process through the thoughts of the latter and act accordingly to what should be done and not what "I" can do. Interesting theory of Symbolic Interaction. If you are interested in Sociology and wish to get some referrences, do approach me and I will try to assist you in any ways I can.

All this while, I have been blogging things which are the "me" thoughts and contents has been seived so that any inappropriate ideas would already be deleted from my mind. If I would have an entry of all about the "I" thoughts, you guys won't want to read it. Trust me. I am beginning to fall in love with Sociology. =)

"I" miss Sylvester. "Me" says that I should do what I have to do. Hee.